I had a nightmare about zombies just a few days before Resident Evil 2 remake's release.

In that dream of me,

Despite My Fear I Still Coming Back To Play Reside
The begin sequence

When I was trying to save myself from the undead then suddenly appear the R.P.D Raccoon Police Department from Resident Evil 2. I had that dream because I played the game alone. However, it was still my fault because I get scared easily by horror. That wasn't the first time I try to play a Resident Evil alone. But sometimes I still have some moment of "courage."

For example, back in 2012, I told myself that because the 3DS screen is small so it would be able to bring much fear to me anyway. In reality, until today those horror images of unlucky, transformed Rachel still resonate with me. With the latest remake of  Resident Evil 2, I kept telling myself that it is just a game, a game that I was familiar with back in 1998. I forgot that this is a game with many horror scenes of scary-ass zombies always finding a chance to bite me in the neck. But somehow my dream helps me recall that.

Start the game

With all of that memory and fear finally begins to fade away. Just a cautious measure, I called up my friend to join me through the game. I'm sure that number would reduce the fear. Right? Uhm then I discovered that method doesn't work. Put the headsets on, we started the game on a Tuesday at 9 p.m.

We decided to go on the easiest mode available in the game. I needed as much help as possible, and just in the opening sequence, I wasted all five precious bullets.

Despite My Fear I Still Coming Back To Play Reside
Where I wasted my bullets

With no more bullet, it was a miracle that I made it back still alive at the R.P.D. The game's start was supposed to be in here anyway, this game is full of memories of my childhood with new and improved graphics of 2019. Then fear took over, and I stopped at the first hallway of this horror game.

It is not possible for me.

That is what I thought because I suck at this game, my aim is terrible that was the reason I lost all of my bullets, and at the opening sequence, the game terrified me. Then I got myself up thinking that with time I will surely master the controls more, I couldn't just give up like that.

The decision

Despite My Fear I Still Coming Back To Play Reside
The corridor

Wake up from my poor gaming performance, then I have to make a decision right after begin exploring the R.P.D: go to a corridor or open a door. I knew from the original game that one of these options would lead to the death of my character. They say that practice makes perfect and of course I know that to get better at the aiming control I must die a few times. Knowing that but still, I couldn't try to take any decisions. I am paralyzed at that state and could not move at all. Then my friend told me to hand the control over to her, I was really relieved.

The conclusion

I never get to know the reason why horror game is way too much for me. Maybe that is just the nature of some, and that's fine, and I should not keep trying over and over, time after time. Perhaps I should just give up. I don't understand why I want to play it so much anyway. Maybe because I know that I could do it eventually if I keep pushing myself. For example in the Uncharted the first one threw its zombies at me in the last stages, I went through it and dared to quit the game. Then I pushed through Yomawari, even when deaths and jump scare became a regular routine, and then the game was just a standard puzzle to me.

OK, I admit that Yomawari is not really a scary game, but then it was scary with my standard. Moreover, I did finish Resident Evil Revelations on my own before. But now I am just another statistic - the contribution I have made to the community of Resident Evil 2 is only that I killed two zombies. But I will try again. Even if I will be dying and trying a lot again.